a moment of clarity

Today I am more mentally alert than usual. I'd better take advantage of this clarity, as it's been a rare thing lately.

I have spent this past week crumpled on the couch in immense pain and overwhelming nausea, only able to get up for trips to the bathroom. It's been a miserable existence for me. At least this misery is a good sign - it means the antibiotics are doing their job and are beginning to kill off the Lyme critters - otherwise known as Borrelia burgdorferi.

Spencer and I are continuing to educate ourselves about Lyme disease, reading through scientific journals, websites, online forums, etc. We really want to see the recently made documentary about Lyme, Under Our Skin. It's probably not going to play in our area, so we'll have to wait until it is released on DVD, but if it's playing near you, check it out! Click here to view the trailer.

Spencer has been working hard for our landlord this week, ripping out old flooring, installing new flooring, replacing toilets, and other handyman stuff. It is such a relief for him to come home from work and NOT have to study. We are sure savoring this school-free month.

This Christmas, it will be just the two of us. Traveling is incredibly taxing for me, so we're going to lie low and stay in northern CA.

hoorah!

As of 10 AM today, Spencer is DONE with his fall semester. He is one happy man :)

I am so proud of how diligently he has worked and am thankful to God for sustaining him throughout a very demanding semester.

We are both giddy with delight - he now has a (much needed) whole month off from school.

lyme disease

The following has taken me five days to write. I am struggling immensely with pain (my normal, long term joint and muscle pain as well as shingles) and severe fatigue and have a very difficult time concentrating. I hope it makes some sense and better explains where we are at with my recent diagnosis.

Back in 2001, when I first started struggling with severe headaches, nausea, and crushing fatigue, I was tested for lyme disease. The test came back negative. So whenever I'd see a new doctor about my mysterious illness that no one could figure out, they'd ask, "have you been tested for lyme disease?" "Yup. It was negative." "Oh, okay. We can rule that out then." So, I figured they knew what they were talking about and didn't give Lyme much thought.

It's not that simple though. There is a two step testing system for Lyme - with major flaws. If you test negative in the first test, you are not tested any further. I tested negative for the first test back in 2001, thus no one bothered to look any further into Lyme disease. However, it has become increasingly evident that the first test is not specific enough to be accurately used as a "screening" test:

The ELISA screening test is unreliable. The test misses 35% of culture proven Lyme disease (only 65% sensitivity) and is unacceptable as the first step of a two-step screening protocol. By definition, a screening test should have at least 95% sensitivity. - International Lyme And Associated Diseases Society

Crazy. It honestly makes no sense. For more info about the testing protocol and the basics of Lyme disease, click here.

Additionally, many of my previous doctors asked me if I ever had the characteristic bulls eye rash that goes along with lyme disease. Nope. When I'd tell them I never saw one, they would completely discount lyme disease, saying there was no reason to do further testing if I didn't recall a rash. Thing is, 49% of patients with lyme disease never report a rash. Hmm.

This time around, my doctor decided we should go for the second, more specific test so that we could know for sure whether Lyme could be ruled out. I'm thankful and glad she wanted to follow through with this.

The conversation I had with my physician last week and the brief research I have done so far blows my mind. This area of medicine is severely lacking and misunderstood - there is so little known about lyme disease and a good deal of controversy over diagnosis and treatment. Am I ever thankful to have found a doctor less than 5 minutes from my front door, who is so knowledgeable and up to date about this particular disease.

Treatment will not be easy or quick, as I have most likely had lyme for years. It is very likely that I picked it up the summer of 2001, right before my symptoms began. I spent a good deal of time that summer hiking and camping - plenty of opportunity for exposure to ticks. This is a chronic infection that has embedded itself in my body and it will be difficult to kill off. I started antibiotics last week and will be on them for several months at least. Many people with chronic lyme disease have to go through treatment lasting up to 1-4 years. And even after such long term treatment, there is no way to tell if you are cured. A decrease or disappearance of symptoms is often referred to as "remission." Many people with chronic Lyme have relapses.

Please pray for us, as treatment could be tough. We may have a diagnosis, be we are far from being out of the woods. Many lyme patients get much worse during treatment before they begin to feel better. As the bacteria are killed during treatment, endotoxins are released and can make you feel much much worse. Since I have had this infection for so many years, we also don't know how much permanent damage has been done. There are a lot of unknowns. The things that we have learned about chronic lyme disease thus far have been sobering and disheartening. I must confess that I am struggling with coming to terms with having this diagnosis. I'm immensely thankful for a concrete answer, but anxious and intimidated about what lies ahead. We're trying to take each day as it comes and trust that God is 100% in control.

My dear, sweet Grandma Betty sent this to me a while ago, and I feel it is so applicable right now:

Not so in haste, my heart! Have faith in God and wait;
although he linger long, he never comes too late.

He never cometh late; he knoweth what is best;
vex not thyself in vain; until he cometh, rest.

Until he cometh, rest, nor grudge the hours that roll;
the feet that wait for God are soonest at the goal.

Are soonest at the goal that is not gained with speed;
then hold thee still, my heart, for I shall wait his lead.

--Bradford Torrey, ca. 1875

what I learned today

First of all, I've got a lovely case of shingles. It's been a rough week, to say the least. I've been struggling a great deal with intense, relentless pain in my joints and muscles, overwhelming fatigue, a cold that I can't seem to fight off, and then a nasty batch of shingles got thrown into the mix. We're certainly being kept on our toes :)

This afternoon, after confirming with my doctor that I do indeed have shingles, we went over some of my recent blood test results. Most stuff came back nice and normal. Hoorah. I did, however, test positive for lyme disease.

Wow.

I would like to further elaborate, but in a nutshell, this is big news. It's very possible that I've had lyme disease for years, wreaking havoc on my immune and nervous systems. At this point it is not clear whether I still do have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome - lyme disease very well may be part of the underlying culprit that "triggered" the development of both syndromes. As I go through treatment, we'll hopefully get a better picture of just how much of a role lyme disease has played in my health struggles.

l will try to post a more thorough update and explanation as my energy and painful fingers and wrists allow.

Please keep Spencer in your prayers this upcoming week! He has a big paper and another project due next week, as well as finals. He has been working so hard juggling school, work, and taking care of me, and is quite exhausted.

My dear, sweet mother is staying with us this week to help out. What a blessing she has been to us! Little did we know just how much we would need and appreciate her help during this hectic, draining week. It has been so helpful and encouraging to have her company and to have meals prepared, dishes and laundry washed, etc so that Spencer can focus on finishing up a very demanding semester. We are so very thankful and blessed.

a year and a half

Today marks eighteen months of marriage for us. These eighteen months have been extremely painful and difficult; not exactly what we envisioned or planned. But they have also been far sweeter and more beautiful than we ever could have anticipated. Each day I fall further in love with this man whom I am so blessed and privileged to call my husband. Looking forward to all that's to come :)

Thank you so much for the encouraging, heartfelt comments in my previous post. It means such a great deal to us and we truly appreciate your prayers.

thoughts

I've been meaning (quite sincerely!) to post more often, but am usually deterred by two things: either my fingers and wrists hurt too severely and are too stiff to type much, or else I'm feeling self conscious over repeatedly posting about how bad I feel.

Today I am hindered by both of the above. But alas, I really should try to at least post something a bit more often...

I am still struggling with pain and fatigue. A great deal.

It's incredibly discouraging to see so little improvement or relief. Especially after spending a large amount of hard earned dollars to see several physicians, have extensive testing done, and buy vitamins, medications, and supplements. All the while sticking with an incredibly restrictive diet for months and months. I am continuing to diligently stick with the diet, supplements, medications, and other instructions from my doctors. We are trying to remain hopeful and patient and keep pressing on as best we can, but it is disheartening to see such little change or improvement.

In all honesty, we are both very discouraged. Just when I experience a glimmer of improvement and we begin to get excited about it, I am knocked back down by something else. The past few days have been immensely painful for me, reducing me to a state of writhing around, crying out like a wounded animal. I am desperate, wishing there was a way to escape my body to get away from the relentless pain.

I hate to complain or sound like a downer, but I am TIRED of trying to tough it out and put on a "I'm okay, I'm hanging in there" face. I am not okay. 
 
Despite this rather depressing description of what things are like for us, Spencer and I are learning and growing during this painful time, being refined by our loving and merciful Maker. We are repeatedly humbled and amazed at how God gives us the strength and grace to get through each day - this has been such a painful time for us, but He has proven Himself faithful, trustworthy, and kind, blessing us with exactly what we need to endure the trial. That's not to say that there aren't days that we grumble and cry, shaking our fists and wondering "why us?" We struggle a lot with discouragement and frustration, so please do pray for us.

Our Lord is sovereign, and we trust that He is doing this for our good, and better yet, for His glory. We take comfort in realizing that He is using this suffering to draw us near to one another and ultimately, nearer to Him. Our marriage has been a storm-tossed one thus far, but we continue to fall further in love with one another as we weather these trials together. We are far from what we ought to be, and I am ashamed to say I have not endured this trial with the grace, trust, or patience that God so desires. Despite our hopeless number of flaws and failings, He has never forsaken us and is with us through it all, guiding, protecting, sustaining, and refining. To Him be the glory.

The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail. - Isaiah 58:11

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:28-31


a beautiful day from back in November

butternut squash

I'm eating some. Topped with coconut oil, cinnamon, and a bit of agave syrup. It's yummy :)

I've been meaning to post sooner, but well, I've been feeling truly awful and really haven't felt like there's much new to say...

Here's some of the highlights from the past 2 weeks:

- I said goodbye to my dear, sweet family who graciously allowed me to stay with them for 4 weeks. I miss them and am so thankful for the support and compassion they have shown to Spencer and me.

- I flew back home to my beloved! It is SO good to be back home with Spencer :) We are both ridiculously giddy to be under the same roof again. What a blessing.

- Spencer is faithfully plugging away at school and work. It has been a very full, stretching semester for him, but he is doing well in his classes and is really enjoying the content. We are looking at his potential schedule of classes for spring and praying that he will be able to get the classes that he needs at the right time.

- I had a good day last Sunday - I had enough energy to make dinner, take a shower, AND do dishes. It's literally been months since I've had the strength/energy to do all 3 in one day. Seriously. It was so nice to feel productive and useful.

- The rest of the past 2 weeks I've felt absolutely terrible. The same way I've been feeling for months and months, so no big change so far in my overall health status. I'm trying to remain hopeful though! I've spent this week either confined to bed due to the severity of the pain, weakness, and dizziness, or else curled up on the bathroom floor debating whether or not throwing up might help somehow.

- My husband is wonderful. He's such an encouragement to me and I respect and admire him so much. He just keeps pressing on and is joyfully and patiently accepting our painful circumstances, lovingly serving and nurturing his sick (and often ridiculously emotional) wife, reminding her that God WILL take care of us. Not that this is "news," but I just wanted to share how thankful I am for this man :)

- My biodfeedback contraption is currently making its way to our home via a fedex truck... stay tuned!

- I never thought I'd say this sort of thing, but I ♥ my prescription pain medication. It doesn't take the pain away, but it takes the edge off and allows me to sleep a little better, which is a huge blessing.

- I'm feeling discouraged about the diet I've been on for the past month. I've been avoiding gluten, soy, and egg for months and months because they definitely make me feel worse - I intend to continue avoiding these items indefinitely. I have additionally eliminated potato, tomato, peppers, eggplant, citrus, sugar, and limited dairy and legumes, per my doctor's suggestion. I've noticed little to no change in my symptoms. Of all these foods...I REALLY miss tomato the most. In a couple of weeks I have an appointment by phone with my doctor, so I definitely want to hold out at least until then to see what he thinks.

- I'm faithfully taking the vitamins and supplements recommended to me. So far not noticing much change, but these things do take time, so I'm trying to remain patient and diligent.

- My dear, sweet sister-in-law Heather (Spencer's brother Matt's wife) was actually diagnosed yesterday with fibromyalgia herself! She has been struggling a great deal with her health for quite some time now. We've been commiserating over and comparing our similar symptoms (debilitating fatigue, severe pain, sleep issues) for the past couple of years, but it is still rather funny (and quite sad!) that we both actually have fibromyalgia. Please, when you pray for me and my health struggles, remember to pray for her too.

Well, that's all for now. Thank you so much for your continued prayers. Overall we are hanging in there, but there are days we are discouraged and frustrated, feeling like there is no relief in sight, both for me as the sick person, and for Spencer as the caregiver.

I've been dwelling a lot on 2 Corinthians 4:16-18...
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this LIGHT MOMENTARY affliction is preparing for us an ETERNAL WEIGHT of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

update

I'm not sure how to keep this simple, so bear with my ramblings... here's what happened at my two doctor appointments yesterday:

Lupus and rheumatoid arthritis were ruled out - yay!
I have MAJOR problems with my autonomic nervous system - boo!

Okay... so here's a little bit of physiology regarding my problems:
The autonomic nervous system consists of 2 parts:
- parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) - "rest and digest"
- sympathetic nervous system (SNS) - "fight or flight"

During sleep, the PNS is activated and it helps to restore or "recharge" your body by maintaining basic, yet essential functions:
digestion and absorption of nutrients, restoration of the immune system, support of the production and release of hormones, you know, all the "rest and digest" functions that are essential to keeping your body going each day.

Well, my body pretty much completely FAILS to activate the PNS at all during the night. A normal person should experience a 1763% increase in PNS activity during sleep. My test results revealed that I had a 87% increase. Ha!

No wonder I've hardly had any energy and have felt terrible the majority of the time for the past 7 years. My poor body hardly gets a chance to "recharge" each night. I'm missing out on the majority of restorative sleep night after night, which means I have little chance build up and replenish energy reserves.. For years I've felt like I'm surviving off of little emergency bursts of adrenaline, and well, it's true - I have no reserves, so I'm pretty much solely depending on help from my SNS 24/7. It makes me think of a little hamster frantically running in its wheel all the time without every getting a break :)

So, to sum things up, basically there is a major imbalance going on in my autonomic nervous system, which is a common problem associated with fibromyalgia. An overactive sympathetic nervous system, and an under-active parasympathetic nervous system. This can be a huge contribution to the severe fatigue and pain and numerous other difficult symptoms that fibromyalgia patients suffer from.

It's not known exactly what causes this imbalance in the autonomic nervous system, as the root cause(s) of fibromyalgia is unknown, but now that we have found something that is clearly "broken," we can at least work to manage it and thus lessen the frequency and severity of future flare ups. Praise God for some answers!

Management will include:
- using biofeedback to train my nervous system to function properly (lots of times doctors just prescribe drugs to help with sleep issues and pain, so I am thankful that my rheumatologist wants to try this approach first)
- pain medication for those days that are especially bad and I need to be functional
- various vitamins, herbs, amino acids, and other supplements to support my nervous system
- supplements to help boost my adrenal function

I'll continue to deal with my food/environmental allergies and chemical sensitivities as well, as they are other likely factors that aggravate and trigger my flare ups. So, I'll continue to go without egg, gluten, and soy (and a few other random foods). It's a bummer, but my doctors agree that it's a good thing to do for now.

I'm very pleased and thankful with how well my 2 doctors have worked together in such a complementary fashion and how they both want to keep me off of drugs as much as possible. I have an appt on Monday to talk more about the biofeedback thing with the rheumatologist and THEN, I fly home to my beloved that night (yay!!!!).

Well, I am exhausted, so that will have to be all for now. It still blows my mind that it has taken 7 years to figure out that this is going on. Crazy. I am overwhelmed by everything I have learned and have much to research, but immensely thankful that we've gotten some answers and that it's stuff that can be managed somewhat.

If you have read through this entire long, rambling post, you are very kind :) Spencer and I are incredibly thankful for and appreciative of your prayers throughout this difficult time. I still am feeling quite awful, struggling with immense pain and fatigue, and it will take time to see results from the treatment, so your continued prayers are definitely appreciated and humbly requested.

My, what complex and amazing bodies we have, eh? Reading up on the nervous system sure has been a neat reminder of how wonderfully God has designed us!

fibromyalgia

Looks like I have a label. Still waiting on additional test results to rule out a few other autoimmune problems, but my rheumatologist felt quite confident in diagnosing me with fibromyalgia during my first appointment with him.

I am incredibly exhausted and in pain and must confess that I've been putting off making a post on this blog. I think there's part of me that hasn't wanted to make this public just yet, as I'm still trying to come to grips with this diagnosis. Fibromyalgia isn't degenerative thankfully, but it's something that doesn't go away, so it's taking time for me to process that. Thankfully there are things I can do to at least optimize my health and make the most out of the few spoons I have :)

Since 2001, I have been labeled with chronic fatigue syndrome, as it best seemed to fit the many difficult, mysterious symptoms that I routinely struggle with at varying degrees of severity. Over the years, many doctors told me I didn't have fibromyalgia, despite the overwhelming fatigue and near constant pain I experienced - the pain was draining and difficult to cope with, but not severe enough to prompt anyone, even me, to seriously consider fibromyalgia. I had taught myself early on how to partially tune out the pain in order to function and it honestly became a *normal* thing for me-if someone were to ask me how I felt, I'd tell them I felt nauseous or dizzy, but the pain didn't even occur to me any longer as an *abnormal* symptom. Now that I look more and more into fibromyalgia, I'm amazed that no doctors up until now gave it any serious consideration, seeing as I have nearly ALL of the many symptoms...

It's been over two months now, that the pain became so incredibly severe and excruciating and it still has not let up (thankfully I have had a couple "not too bad" days sprinkled in these 2 months). A dear, sweet, wise friend shared, "maybe God is allowing [me] to have such severe symptoms so that the doctors can better diagnos what [I] need." I think she just may be right :)

When I have more energy, I'll try to write out a more thorough update. Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support. I have two more appointments next week and then God willing, I will be heading back home to my beloved husband!

Southern California

I'm not quite sure where to start, as I'm very fatigued and in pain, lacking the stamina to write out as thorough a post as I'd like.

I headed down to southern california yesterday. I'll be staying with my parents and have appointments set up to see several doctors, including a rheumatologist.

Over the past few weeks, it became increasingly evident to both me and Spencer that we weren't going to get the care I need in our rural medical community. My symptoms have also gotten increasingly severe and distressing over the past couple of weeks, forcefully prompting us to be more aggressive in our search for medical attention. So, after a good deal of prayer, counsel, and tearful conversations, we decided it would be wisest for me to spend some time in southern california, where excellent medical care is readily available.

Our hope and prayer is that the doctors I see in socal will be able to help figure out what is making me so sick, and once we have a diagnosis/some answers, I can head back up to northern california, where we can collaborate with them through correspondence as well as work with local doctors to manage and treat my illness.

It was an incredibly difficult decision to make, as we were greatly saddened and discouraged by the thought of being apart, but we believe this is the right thing to do, considering how sick I am.

Thank you so very much for praying for us. It is such an incredible blessing and encouragement. Your prayers and support mean such a great deal to us. We also want to thank you for the encouraging comments, emails, phone calls, letters, care packages, etc. There have been dark, difficult days that have been significantly brightened by a sweet card showing up in the mail or a simple email reminding us that someone is praying for us. Thank you so very much. We cannot weather this painful time alone, and we thank God for blessing us with such sweet, thoughtful friends and family :)

I have my first appointment this Friday morning (9/26). Please pray!

another monthly update

*sigh* Where does the time go? I'm hoping I can update more often than monthly, but I cannot make any promises at this point!

This past month has been incredibly difficult for us. I have been SO very ill. My health has declined a great deal since late July and I literally spend day after day in bed or wilted on the couch. Two days ago it was a victory for me to muster up the strength to take a shower. That was all I was strong enough to accomplish that entire day.

The same chronic fatigue is persisting, but at a much more overwhelming level now. I also began experiencing severe, unrelenting joint pain over a month ago--pain intense enough to keep me from sleeping much and to cause even simple tasks like writing, typing, washing my hair, etc to be very difficult and painful. The pain is most severe in my wrists and fingers, though it also consistently afflicts my elbows, knees, hips, shoulders, ankles, and toes. And to add one more crazy symptom, I am experiencing a great deal of pain in my right side under my ribs, presumably my liver. I'll spare you any further symptoms, but do know I have quite a "list" of them and I spend each day is a great deal of pain and discomfort.

I'm already feeling squirmy about typing out such a depressing list of complaints and have deleted several symptoms out of fear that this is all sounding very "woe is me" and pitiful, but I need you all to know that I am struggling greatly.

My dear, sweet, compassionate husband is taking excellent care of me. He is a full time student, working long hours to support us, staying up late into the night studying, and then also doing all of the cooking and cleaning. He has quite a burden to bear all on his own, but he is bearing it with joy and humility, trusting that God will see us through this. I have a great deal to learn from this wonderful, godly man whom I am SO blessed to call my husband. My eyes are welling up with tears just thinking about it. Also, my own precious, sweet mother graciously spent over 2 weeks with us, cooking, cleaning, encouraging, and helping in any way she could. She was such an immense blessing to both of us. Spencer and I were both commenting last night that it seems like "forever" since she left, when really she only left last Friday. Mom, THANK YOU for visiting us and giving so selflessly!

I am growing incredibly weary typing this out and have had to take numerous breaks already, but I do want to ask for prayer for some particular things:

• Please pray that I can get an appointment with our local rheumatologist ASAP. There have been some delays thus far due to people in the office misplacing my referral, and last I hear, the soonest I could get in would be mid October. We really are hoping we can get in sooner, as waiting another month feeling the way I do is a difficult thought to bear. We are praying that the office staff will be understanding and schedule me for an earlier date.
• We definitely want to mention that God HAS answered our prayers about getting a referral to the rheumatologist in the first place, which is a huge blessing. The whole medical care system in our area is incredibly impacted, due to a large number of physicians either retiring or moving out of the area recently, making it very difficult to get in ANYwhere as a new patient. Most doctors will not see new patients until 2009. No specialists here will see patients without a referral, but it was very difficult to just find a general practitioner accepting new patients in order to even be able to ask for a referral. God graciously allowed me to get in to a walk-in clinic and even though the MD was initially unsupportive and skeptical of my symptoms, the results of the blood work he ordered convinced him that yes, I should see a rheumatologist. Praise God!
• Please pray for wisdom for us as we navigate through the medical care system, seeking the right doctors and treatments. Also pray that we will ultimately remember and trust that ALL of this is in God's hands.
• Also, please pray for our spiritual growth and endurance through all of this. It has been such a difficult, draining, dark time for us, but we don't want to lose sight of all that God is doing in our hearts through this trial. His grace IS sufficient, but so often it is easy to lose sight of that and become discouraged. 

If you have read this long post, thank you so much for taking the time to do so! As I'm able, I'll try to post more often...

Yet another attempt...

Another month has passed. I'm not doing so well with blogging as of late!

Summer is beginning to wind down, as Spencer will start his Fall classes in a couple of weeks. We're trying to soak up every last bit of sunlight and are enjoying our "warm" weather, as some days the temperature *actually* gets up to near 70. There's something so wistful and almost sad about these days in August, knowing that the warm weather and light evenings are slowly dwindling away. But then again, there's also anticipation of a new semester for Spencer and a season I have not yet experienced in the Pacific Northwest.

We recently returned home from a trip to Aruba with Spencer's family. It was a really fun vacation and we were thankful and glad to be able to spend time with Spencer's Uncle Ryan and Aunt Debbie, his parents, sister-in-law Heather and sweet niece Georgie, and Debbie's sister Sharon and daughters Emily and Lizzie.

More pictures to come...

I have been incredibly fatigued and worn down this summer, so we really haven't been able to do much "blog worthy" stuff and I feel monotonous to blog each and every time about how bad I feel. Despite me feeling poorly, Spencer and I are doing well and each month we are all the more glad and thankful to be married to one another. In a couple of days we celebrate our 14 month anniversary! Yes, we're sentimental like that and still celebrate each month :)

catch up

Another month behind us. Each day seems to fly by!

Multiple times I've attempted to post something, anything, but have been unsuccessful thus far. Here's a bit of an update on what's going on with us...

• We had the privilege and pleasure of spending a week in Southern California in late June! It was such an encouragement to see family and close friends. We got to take part in celebrating our sweet niece's 1st birthday and Spencer was in a wedding of some friends from high school. We kept the rest of the week pretty low key, as I wasn't feeling very well. While Spencer ran around helping friends prepare for the wedding, I hung out at my parent's house and slept a lot. Our apologies to those of you who we couldn't visit or spend time with--we truly wanted to see as many of our dear friends as possible, but were limited due to my health. Despite remembering to bring our camera, I didn't take ANY pictures! When I'm not feeling well and am in a social situation, I often don't remember/ feel up to taking pictures. I'm sad about that now, wishing I had photos of our time with our loved ones. Oh well. It was still a great time :)

• Spencer's working full time for our landlord this summer. Repairing, mowing, chainsawing, building, digging, plumbing and electrical, flooring, etc. We're both so thankful for this job--flexible hours, a fair and generous employer, good pay, and the actual work is fun and interesting to Spencer--God has provided for us so graciously! Although on break for the summer, he's still doing school related stuff, as he has quite a bit of data to process and analyze from his research cruise in May. He and his classmates are working on writing an abstract for the paper they plan on presenting at an oceanography conference in the Fall. As I type, he's sitting next to me happily playing around with and programing data... My husband is such a cute scientist!

• I admit that this summer has been quite difficult and painfully lonely for me. I find myself looking back on last summer, when my health began to go downhill, and become discouraged that I've made very little progress since then. Feeling horrible the majority of the time and not knowing why can be so frustrating! I do, however, have "okay" days here and there, and the frequency of those "okay" days seems to be slowly increasing, which is encouraging. I've been trying so hard to have an optimistic attitude and often tell myself and others that I'm slowly getting better, because I really think I am. But then soon after I report that I'm doing better, I promptly have another bout of feeling miserable and being barely functional and often don't have the energy to re-update people that I'm doing worse again and need help, prayer, etc. So frustrating!

It's been a rough time for us with me being ill, but we take joy and comfort in the fact that God is sovereign and good. He has been so faithful to provide for us and we rejoice in seeing the fruit that is being born out of this trial. Praise the Lord for showing us such mercy and kindness! His grace is truly sufficient.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

June!

Where does the time go? It feels like I just posted a couple of days ago...

I've been feeling pretty awful this past week, hence the lack of posts. Today and yesterday have been a bit better, so that's an encouragement. So...what to share? Here are some odds n' ends...

I ♥ Spencer

We celebrated our one year anniversary yesterday! Neither of us can believe it's been a year already. It's gone by so fast! We're humbled and encouraged to look back on all the details God has beautifully orchestrated in this first year of marriage--He has been so kind and gracious to us. I am blessed and honored to be married to such a godly, wise, tender hearted man who loves and cherishes me and sets such a good example for me to follow with the way he lives. I'm crazy about this guy and respect and adore him so! We LOVE being married to one another and are excited to see what God has in store for our second year of marriage.

We spent the first half of yesterday being utterly lazy. I was feeling rotten and needed to rest up for the second half of the day. In the late afternoon, we headed for the beach. It was a beautiful day, and we enjoyed a good visit as we wandered along the shore, watched dogs frolic in the surf, and a woman unsuccessfully attempt to fly a kite.

no, Spencer is not trying out a new hair style... it was just incredibly windy, bright, and cold...pretty normal for a June day in these parts.

haha, we kept trying to get a "good" picture, but alas, between the wind messing up our hair and the sun making us squint, it just wasn't our day

We then headed for a nearby restaurant with a fantastic view of the ocean. I was pleased to find food that was compatible with my dietary needs--our waitress was excellent and made sure everything I ate was safe for me. Spencer enjoyed shrimp scampi, halibut, squash, and broccoli over basmati rice. I scarfed down (literally) filet mignon, asparagus, and potatoes. We rarely ever eat out, so this was a big treat :) We then headed home for dessert--Spencer made me a dairy, egg, soy, and gluten free chocolate cake! It was so good! Very rich and intense. Coconut oil, hemp milk, and ground flax seeds helped keep it moist and fluffy despite the lack of eggs, butter, and wheat. Haha, I'm salivating just thinking about it...

he even garnished the cake with leaves from our mint plant Cornelius.

All in all, we had a wonderful day yesterday. This first year of marriage has been so sweet and it was such a joy to celebrate.

speaking of food...

It's official. I've done away with gluten AND dairy. For good. After much trial and error detective work, I have come to the conclusion that neither gluten or dairy are any good for my body. I kept hoping that it could be one or the other and NOT both, but each item has proven itself excellent at wreaking havoc on my body. Both must go. I've already been avoiding both really well, but not quite 100%. I was bummed about my "loss" for a few days, but am now feeling optimistic and ready to try new things. It definitely helps to have such a sensitive and compassionate husband who loves to cook and create things that are as yummy as possible yet safe for me to eat--he's been such an encouragement to me.

The other night, my handsome and caring husband made me macaroni and cheese. Gluten, soy, dairy, and egg free. It was delicious! We both really enjoyed it and definitely plan on making it again. Spencer, ever the romantic, decided that our macaroni and cheese ought to be enjoyed by candlelight. So fun!

we were trying so hard not to crack up in this picture, as we both felt really silly to be taking a timed picture of ourselves at the dinner table...we're such nerds...
definitely not "cheesy," but it satisfied that want for something hearty, savory, and creamy.

Spencer also secretly picked out some dairy, egg, and gluten free cinnamon raisin bread mix at our health food store and surprised me with muffins. They were wonderful!

I made chicken taquitos a few days ago. It was easier than I thought it would be. I think next time I'll try to make a huge batch and freeze most of them. It seems like they'd reheat well and make a quick, tasty snack/meal for times we don't feel like cooking...

I'm determined to make the most of this and eat well, despite my limitations. So far, we're both having fun getting creative!

Well, that's all for now. Time to rest up before tackling the dishes...

Out to Sea

The Last Five Months

Last semester I took a class called Field Cruise. My three classmates and I were required to develop a research project pertaining to some aspect of oceanography and then to carry out the research this summer. We were given the topics "Klamath River" and "Salmon". We decided to assess the food availability for salmon as they enter the ocean and study how the river water (the river plume) effects the ocean environment. The research culminated in a 35-page proposal outlining the reasons for doing this research, the background for the study area, and how we were going to carry out the research. Last week, as Melody mentioned, I was on a cruise doing the sampling for this project. The following is a quick rundown of what we did with some pictures.

Day 1

We left the docks at six in the morning on Sunday. As we headed for the mouth of the bay, we had a "Science Meeting" to go over some of the logistics for the day. During the meeting, we were passing through the mouth of the bay, which can be pretty rough. It was. After the meeting ended, I walked outside, went to the railing, and lost my breakfast (literally and figuratively). I have never been seasick before, so this was a new experience for me. I gained some insight into the concept Melody speaks of called "nausea." We had four hours before our first station (we planned on sampling at specific locations, which we refer to as stations), so I had some time to be sick a few more times and get used to doing things while feeling uneasy.

The stations were close together on that day, so we were kept fairly busy the next seven hours. I was able to do most of the work I was assigned to and only lost it once more the rest of the day. I would have taken pictures, but focusing on a tiny screen and not on the horizon was a little too much for me. We ended up completing two more stations than we were expecting, which helped give us a very complete data set for that first day. Over all, the day went very well. We got into harbor at six, so I took a refreshing walk on land and called my love.

Day 2

We left harbor at 5:30 the next morning. I was feeling a lot better (and was also given Sea-Bands to help suppress nausea during the day), so I was able to take pictures.

At each station, we did a bongo net tow, a CTD cast, and collected water samples for chlorophyll and nutrients. Bongo nets are two circular nets, side by side, like a bongo drum. They are used to collect zooplankton. CTD stands for Conductivity-Temperature-Depth. Conductivity of the water is used to discern salinity and depth is measured by the pressure of the water.

Sarah (our teacher) and Eric (works for NOAA; let us use his equipment) discussing our station plan


Abby (Eric's assistent who came to help us for a day), Nick, and Ben the deckhand washing the plankton down to the end of the bongo net


Abby, Hal (another teacher), Sarah, and Nick preserving and splitting the samples


A little blurry, but it is the sample that Nick was rinsing into the sieve in the previous photo. During the course of the cruise, we caught jellyfish, krill, copepods, larval fish (like rockfish and flounder), worms, and larval crab (baby crabs)


Rinsing the sample into the preservation jar


Ethanol being injected into sample before the formaldehyde is added

This is a slight aside, but this last picture seems counterintuitive to me. The ethanol is put into the sample so that any larval (baby) fish that are in the sample are anesthetized before they are killed (preserved) with the formaldehyde. This is a scientific research standard to ensure that the fish are killed humanely. It is sad that people consider themselves humane for fighting to anesthetize fish, while it is still considered socially acceptable to kill unborn humans. Not to mention that there is no anesthesia used for the baby in abortions.

Alex filtering the chlorophyll from a water sample

Once again, everything went very well. We were able to do five more stations than we planed and all of the data looked consistently sound.

Day 3

We left port at 5:30. It was overcast as usual, but then the sun started to rise.

Twenty minutes later, we were back in a dense, dark fog.

On a more scientific note, we were steaming toward shore to the stations closer to the coast and came across a very distinct edge of the river plume. Part of our study was to determine the boundaries of the plume and characterize the zooplankton (salmon food) in those areas.

The foam in between the two masses of water indicates higher phytoplankton and zooplankton activity in that region, which verifies our hypothesis


Left: River plume water is lighter in color because there is more suspended sediment in the water. Right: Ocean water. Center: mixing between the two water masses causes higher nutrient availability in the clearer, saltier ocean water, which is good for phytoplankton growth and then zooplankton consumption.

We had our first mishaps that day. On one bongo tow, the engineer accidentally misheard how much line we wanted to let out and the net was drug along the bottom. We caught a huge starfish, which was cool, but we had to redo the tow. On another tow, the end of the net was not tightened down all the way and part of it slipped loose during the tow. Basically, it was like fishing with a hole in your net, so we redid that tow as well. In spite of these mishaps, to have only two issues over the course of three (ultimately four) days was very good.

Day 4

It was raining as we left harbor at 5:30 the last morning and rained up to our second to last station. It was not a driving rain, though, so it did not inhibit any of our sampling in any way. All of the day's stations went well with no mishaps. Traveling home was to take five hours from the last station, so there was plenty of time to look over our data, pack our equipment up, clean, and enjoy the gorgeous day.

Sarah and Hal enjoying the sun


Chris the engineer and Eric talking while putting away nets

Overall, I had a great time and learned a lot. It was definitely an affirmation that I am heading into the right field.

a simple week

My beloved husband is out at sea right now. He left early Sunday morning and will be back this evening. For only being gone for 4 days, I've gotta say that I really miss the guy! He's been able to call me a few times when they're in harbor for the night and said he and a good number of other guys got pretty seasick the first day, but ever since they've been fine--queasy, but no puking. He also said things are going really well with sampling and they're getting good data, which is great! I can't wait to hear more about his time this evening.

The past week and a half has been quiet. And yup, very simple.

The majority of it has been spent in bed. Resting and trying to recover from our wonderful camping trip last weekend. All of last week I didn't do much at all. This Monday I made myself dinner and took a shower, so that made me feel accomplished. I also unloaded and loaded the dishwasher and ran it. Tuesday I made myself dinner again and took out the trash. Another accomplished day.

Today I'm feeling pretty horrible and am so glad Spencer will be home tonight--obviously because I've really missed him, but also, I need someone to fix dinner tonight because I'm simply too exhausted. I had a grand scheme of having a delicious meal prepared for him upon his arrival, and even hoped to get the apartment cleaned up a bit, but making lunch and taking a shower really did me in for the day. I'd totally understand if you are thinking to yourself, "she can't really be *that* tired..." I mean, it sounds rather exaggerated or overly dramatic to me, and I'm the one who wrote it! But honestly, I am this tired.

I found this excerpt from J. C. Ryle on GirlTalk the other day. It was encouraging to me in this present situation...

“Reader, if God has given you His only begotten Son, beware of doubting His kindness and love, in any painful providence of your daily life! Never allow yourself to think hard thoughts of God. Never suppose that He can give you anything which is not really for your good. Remember the words of Paul: ‘He who spared not His own Son—but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things’ (Romans 8:32).

See in every sorrow and trouble of your earthly pilgrimage the hand of Him who gave Christ to die for your sins! That hand can never smite you except in love! He who gave His only begotten Son for you, will never withhold anything from you which is really for your good. Lean back on this thought and be content. Say to yourself in the darkest hour of trial, ‘This also is ordered by Him who gave Christ to die for my sins. It cannot be wrong. It is done in love. It must be well.’"

sunburnt and happy

We had a lovely weekend camping.

Friday...

Here's our campsite. 

It really was this green.


We loved falling asleep to the sound of the stream 30 feet from our site
Nitrate/preservative free chicken hotdogs for dinner... they were pretty good!


Banana slug! we found a lot of these critters over the weekend

That night as we were drifting off to sleep, we were startled awake by loud cracking, groaning, a whoosh, an then a terrible thud. Somewhere off in the forest, a tree went down. It was an impressive sound that I had never heard until then.

Saturday...
A walk in a canyon full of ferns and frogs.

We took a rest by a quiet stream and snacked on KIND fruit & nut bars. I had almond - apricot and Spencer had banana - oatbran. delicious!

These flowers smelled so good. The meadows are covered in them around here...

We saw an elk


and visited a nearby waterfall. 




After a very full day, we headed back to our campsite and roasted marshmallows in a tired stupor

We're realizing that our bodies are aging. Sleeping on the ground with only a sleeping bag for padding was much more uncomfortable than I recall in previous camping trips over the years. Speaking of growing older, I found a beautiful silvery white hair growing from my head last week. Spencer thinks I should thank College of the Canyon's Registered Nursing Program for that...

Sunday

We got our site packed up and drove about 15 minutes north where we enjoyed a hot breakfast at a small town diner. We then headed for a nearby outlook in hopes of spotting a plume of river water flowing into the sea. Spencer will doing a 4 day cruise collecting samples from this river plume next week, so he was hoping he could eyeball the location of the plume for future reference. Sadly, all we could see was fog and it never did burn off that day.

We spent the afternoon wandering around on the beach, getting sunburnt, and enjoying a very scenic dirt road drive home.

I used up too many spoons this weekend and am now severely lacking, but it was well worth it. It was such a blessing and encouragement for Spencer and I to "get away" for a few days.

This Psalm came to mind a lot during the weekend...

Psalm 104

Praise the LORD, O my soul. 

O LORD my God, you are very great; 

you are clothed with splendor and majesty.

He wraps himself in light as with a garment; 

he stretches out the heavens like a tent

and lays the beams of his upper chambers on their waters. 

He makes the clouds his chariot 

and rides on the wings of the wind.

He makes winds his messengers, 

flames of fire his servants.

He set the earth on its foundations; 

it can never be moved.

You covered it with the deep as with a garment; 

the waters stood above the mountains.

But at your rebuke the waters fled, 

at the sound of your thunder they took to flight;

they flowed over the mountains, 

they went down into the valleys, 

to the place you assigned for them.

You set a boundary they cannot cross; 

never again will they cover the earth.

He makes springs pour water into the ravines; 

it flows between the mountains.

They give water to all the beasts of the field; 

the wild donkeys quench their thirst.

The birds of the air nest by the waters; 

they sing among the branches.

He waters the mountains from his upper chambers; 

the earth is satisfied by the fruit of his work.

He makes grass grow for the cattle, 

and plants for man to cultivate— 

bringing forth food from the earth:

wine that gladdens the heart of man, 

oil to make his face shine, 

and bread that sustains his heart.

The trees of the LORD are well watered, 

the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.

There the birds make their nests; 

the stork has its home in the pine trees.

The high mountains belong to the wild goats; 

the crags are a refuge for the coneys. 

The moon marks off the seasons, 

and the sun knows when to go down.

You bring darkness, it becomes night, 

and all the beasts of the forest prowl.

The lions roar for their prey 

and seek their food from God.

The sun rises, and they steal away; 

they return and lie down in their dens.

Then man goes out to his work, 

to his labor until evening.

How many are your works, O LORD! 

In wisdom you made them all; 

the earth is full of your creatures.

There is the sea, vast and spacious, 

teeming with creatures beyond number— 

living things both large and small.

There the ships go to and fro, 

and the leviathan, which you formed to frolic there.

These all look to you 

to give them their food at the proper time.

When you give it to them, 

they gather it up; 

when you open your hand, 

they are satisfied with good things.

When you hide your face, 

they are terrified; 

when you take away their breath, 

they die and return to the dust.

When you send your Spirit, 

they are created, 

and you renew the face of the earth.

May the glory of the LORD endure forever; 

may the LORD rejoice in his works-

he who looks at the earth, and it trembles, 

who touches the mountains, and they smoke.

I will sing to the LORD all my life; 

I will sing praise to my God as long as I live.

May my meditation be pleasing to him, 

as I rejoice in the LORD.

But may sinners vanish from the earth 

and the wicked be no more. 

Praise the LORD, O my soul. 

Praise the LORD.

heat wave!

It is 80ºF outside. Up until now, we've considered it WARM if it got close to 60º!

Spencer is DONE with the spring semester! It's so nice to be able to see him more :)

Tomorrow we're going camping. We're excited. It'll be nice to relax away from home for a few days without ringing phones, dishes to be washed, or homework to be done. I'm pretty worn out, so we probably won't be doing much adventuring, but it should be nice to hang out at our campsite, take some walks, spend time at the nearby beach... we're looking forward to a slower pace of life for a few days.

I'm exhausted, so this is all for now. I'll try to update more sometime soon.

11

I've been married to my best friend for 11 wonderful months now.

Each month we are increasingly glad and thankful to be married.

Each month we also seem to look increasingly tired and goofy :)

Spencer will be done with finals on Tuesday. We're excited! It's been a long semester....