I want to be a ________.
When I was 5, my brother was born rather early and ended up spending a good chunk of time in NICU. Consequently, Mom and Dad hung out there a lot. Children weren't allowed in there, so I hung out in the waiting area with the nice NICU nurses. They were all so friendly and pretty and gave me teeny tiny baby diapers and bottles for my dolls. I decided that the thing to be was "a nurse who takes care of babies."
Spencer decided in elementary school that he wanted to be a marine biologist. Or anyone who spent his time in and near the ocean. I asked him recently if his career ideals ever changed. He thought about it and said, "no, not really. I mean, there were always things that interested me and I wanted to try, but something having to do the ocean has always been what I really wanted to be involved in." Seeing how he is thriving in and enjoying his oceanography major, I think he has made a wise choice.
Since my decision to be a nurse in early 1990, I've also made plans to be a vet (4th/5th grade), a doctor (quite a few times), or a woman residing in Malibu with her husband Brad (yes, this specific name and I have no clue why) and 4 kids (2nd grade...weird one, eh?). It wasn't until my freshman year in college that I started considering and praying about actually becoming a nurse.
Well um, I guess I grew up and I did indeed become a nurse. The thing is, I have no clue if that's what I'm really supposed to do! Throughout nursing school, I struggled with this, wondering whether or not nursing was what I should be doing. It's become almost a "love-hate" sort of thing. I'm either ridiculously happy and passionate about it, or in tears of frustration and fatigue, wondering why I ever aspired to such a demanding and intense career. I'm sure a lot of my conflicting feelings throughout nursing school stemmed from feeling rotten physically a good deal of the time. At one point, I seriously considered dropping out of nursing school due to my health problems and general uneasiness about whether I even wanted *any* career. But God continually made it abundantly clear that I needed to stick with it and finish what I started. And He lovingly provided me with the strength and endurance to push through it and finish well.
Now that I'm an actual registered nurse, I lack the strength and energy to finally utilize my knowledge and skills. I can go at a semi "normal person" pace for a few days by borrowing tomorrow's spoons, but at a great cost, as the days following are consistently marked by incredible fatigue and inability to perform even simple tasks such as doing dishes or taking a shower. While God has certainly been gracious and kind in blessing me far beyond what I could want or need, it is clear that He hasn't given me what I need to work as a nurse. What does this mean? Is this a trial that He will remove in time? Or is this a road block intended to steer me in another direction?
Spencer and I want to honor God with our decisions regarding our "grown up jobs" and trust that He will provide us with what we need to obey and serve Him in this, but are still rather puzzled about how to go about this whole nursing thing. Could you please pray for wisdom and discernment for us as we try to figure out what I should do with this RN license?
Oh, and what did you want to be when you "grew up?" I'd love to hear about it :)
Met in junior high, enjoyed friendship during high school, and fell in love and married as college students. Enjoying life together in the Pacific Northwest while Spencer finishes school. Learning how to cope with Lyme Disease. It is our desire to honor and magnify Christ in all that we do.
goodbye, Petrova!
14 years ago
8 thoughts:
I will keep on praying!
well, I never heard about the Malibu house with Brad before!! :o)
of course you will be in my prayers...
when i was in kindergarten i wanted to be an archaeologist seriously what kindergartener wants to be an archaeologist? i'm a freak haha
*abigail
I know God can use you and your knowledge of nursing without your having to do nursing in the conventional way--these days, in 12-hour shifts! Stay receptive, and you will find the way, and the ways.
I wanted to be a movie star...not an actress, mind you, none of the apprenticeship stuff of high school plays, etc. Just a movie star. It's o.k. with me that it didn't work out. G.B.
Hey Melody,
When I was in Kindergarden, I came home from my first day of school and told my dad that I was going to UCLA and that I wanted to be a teacher. In 7th grade, I decided I wanted to be a history teacher. I didn't go to UCLA, but I am a history teacher. I know how you feel about wondering if you made the right choice. If God keeps opening doors in that arena, you will know. When Paul and I moved to Arizona, I wasn't sure if I would be able to teach anymore. Then, I got hired by a private school. When we move to Ohio in July, I found out that Ohio will accept my California credential. I continue to see God's hand in my life and He keeps assuring me that I made the right choice.
We are definitely praying for wisdom and renewed energy/healing.
I wanted to be a veterinarian or a director of movies or theater when I was little.
I have often felt that our long held desires and goals are frequently based on our conscious or unconscious understanding of our own gifts and aptitudes. That said, I also feel that God can direct us along that path, or He can take us in a totally different direction. Since you are so clearly yielded to God's leading in your life, you can be sure He will use you in an amazing way. That God allowed you to complete your R.N. and do it so well even under adverse circumstances, should be something of a sign in itself, don't you think? Put out some applications, and see what happens. You can decide later to decline if you think the position offered is too demanding. Just a thought....
During my teens I wanted to be a psychologist. Although psychology was my major in college, I didn't finish school. But much of my adult life has been working with at-risk, or emotionally disturbed kids in the public school setting.
Here is a quote for you, Melody:
"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant."--Horace
You are always in my prayers, Melody! Love you!
I think I have always kind of assumed I would be a mom, but I still have lots of things I would like to be when I grow up.
I remember being a nanny before I had kids, and several times wanting to tell Parents how to raise their kids, but not doing it because I knew I had never been in their shoes, and I really didn't know what it was like to have kids of my own. I am now getting the "schooling" of raising my own children, and maybe one day I will be able to give real advice to other parents on their children.
All that to say, you are already a step ahead of a good portion of nurses out there in that you have empathy for people with debilitating illnesses. You have and are "been there done that". There are some days I sure don't want to sit here being a mom. I know there are days you don't want to sit there being sick, but it is where you are. Not that you have to languish away in your sick time, or I have to stay in my bathrobe all day because just my kids see me, but we are both called to live well the life we are given. I don't have any advice on where to go from here, but I know God is faithful to prepare us for what He wants us to do, and faithful to see us through the doing of it. Even if doing seems a lot like not doing.
I love you and will try to remember to pray for you guys. I know it is frustrating :)
I'll keep you and Spencer in my prayers, Melody!
When I was in elementary school, I wanted to be an author or teacher. Then in Jr. High, I wanted to be a psychologist. Somehow, that turned into wanting to be a Fashion Designer in High school, which led to being a Costume Designer. Now, I doubt I'll ever be an official designer, but I know I love working in the Performing Arts.
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